thank you Helen for drawing this

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Welcome to Ali's blog. A blog that has absolutely nothing to do with juggling monkeys. It doesn't really have anything to do with much, just me rambling on about random things.

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Saturday, May 29, 2004
I decided to try a free trial at Mailbox Movies another of those online DVD rental places. So far I don't like it as much as screenselect. I think I'll try free trials at a few places and review them. Haven't actually got any DVDs from this place yet though, so I should wait to review until after the free trial. It doesn't seem to have as big a catalogue and isn't as easy to use (if you want to rent a whole series you have to click on each individual DVD from the box set, instead of just clicking rent all to add them all to the list) it has some DVDs that were released last month everywhere else listed as coming soon and isn't yet listing Alias series 2, which is due at the beginning of June.

I am sad because certain people have not blogged at all this week :-( they know who they are. Well, I think they do, I could name and shame them, in fact if you look at the list of blogs over to the left there you can see them all. I've already told Helen and Rob, I've given up telling Harriet, since it's been months with her, but maybe this message will tell Daisy, James and Mark, please blog. I like it when you blog, I want to hear all about what's going on. Yes Mark, I know you were round here on Thursday so I know what's going on with you, but that's irrelevant. I would tell Stephanie too, but I don't think she reads this.

Random observation of the day

I seem to find it hard to do capitals on this keyboard. I'm not really sure why, maybe the shift key is hard to press, though it doesn't feel hard, it's just that frequently I know I pressed shift and yet when I look at the writing it hasn't capitalised. Weird.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Okay then, more answers, these are a bit rubbish, I would apologise, but I'm not going to because it's not like I'm getting paid for this or anything, I owe you nothing.

  1. What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?
    “Children of the sprinkler.” I don’t know, I wouldn’t write a ballet. I’ve never even seen a ballet.

  2. The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:
    Froggy had no hair. One day someone took pity on him and gave him a wig, the wig was a magic wig and allowed Froggy to visit magic worlds.

  3. Try making up the rules to a game where you tie knots in a yo-yo string just to see if you can get them out:
    Each player takes a yo yo had has 15 seconds to tie as many knots as possible. Then swap strings and the first to untie the knots wins.

  4. You're wearing a sweater that stretches down to your feet. What color belt do you put on?

  5. When you open your eyes underwater, do you ever worry that you’ll drown.

  6. What was the stage name of your favourite actress before she was born.
    Esmerelda Van Berkensall III.

  7. What spells can you cast with magic markers?
    Magic is evil.

Random observation of the day

I seem to be posting very regularly lately, don't know how long this'll go on for. maybe it's because I've got into the habit now.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Just got a new one:

What would you name your ballet inspired by the sight of children leaping through a garden sprinkler?

Working on an answer that's a bit better than: For the love of cheese, why would I write a ballet?

Ooh, and another one:

Try making up the rules to a game where you tie knots in a yo-yo string just to see if you can get them out:
I like that, could take a while to figure out an answer though. particularly in 150 characters.

Have they added loads? I keep getting new ones now when I thought I'd run out:

The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig:

2nd Random observation of the day

Why isn't it showing my new posts when I look at my blog?

Okay, so blogger’s profile thing gives you a random question, some better than others, in a moment of boredom I figured I’d keep reloading to find out loads of them and answer them all. Only I rather stupidly got loads of questions first, then wasn’t so bothered about answering them, so I’ve just sat here and answered them all with a lot less enthusiasm than I had for the job in the first place. Blogger only allows 150 characters for the answer, so I have limited myself to that, which is why the answers are all very short.

Oh, they are entirely random, so I may not have got all of the questions, I kept getting repeats so stopped, but there may be more that I haven’t got.

  1. In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
    Because I forgot my swimming costume of course, you can’t expect me to go swimming without my costume!

  2. You forgot your mom's birthday! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?
    A giant model of an olive pit.

  3. You are going to the moon, what did you forget to pack?
    My waders.

  4. Oscillate my metallic sonatas with your plan for the Panama canal:
    Nail a tired rotini in it, order Italian!

  5. Aren't papier mache cuts the worst?
    They are to be avoided at all costs, because if you get the glue in the cut you mutate into a papier mache puppet. Bad.

  6. Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?
    By working as a florist.

  7. Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows. How can you fake being a bard?

    The way to be a bard my dear
    Is to talk in rhyme throughout the year
    And tell long tales of daring deeds
    By men who ride on cunning steeds.

  8. That can't really be a fish you're standing on, can it?
    Are you referring to the soles of my feet or the perch on which I am balanced?
    Yes, I know that’s what was expected, but who am I to defy expectations?

  9. If you were a wrestler, what would be your finishing move?
    I am a wrestler and my finishing move is generally the floorcushion: where you sit on your opponent.

  10. You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?
    Demand a refund.

  11. You can punch a hole in an apple using a straw. How do you think that makes your milkshake feel?

  12. You've just inherited a manufacturing plant that specializes in plastics. What are you going to make?
    Cheese. Why not branch out and try something new? Plus we need more cheese.

  13. Why don't you ever wear a scarf? It doesn't need to be cold outside for your neck to feel naked.
    You had to bring it up didn’t you? I don’t have a scarf, it’s traumatic enough without you pointing it out.

  14. Please describe how you could take the peel off an apple all in one go:
    I would shrink myself and enter deep inside the apple, then destroy the apple from the inside, letting the peel drop in one go.

  15. Please come up with a more appropriate name for the ringtoe:
    Well, that’s tricky since I’m not entirely sure what a ringtoe is, unless it’s a toering, in which case someone’s already done the job.

  16. Lionesses have no manes. How do they know when they've grown up?
    When they have to start paying their parents rent money.

  17. If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
    Clay is a different type of mud. I can’t really think of a silly answer for that.

  18. You've been invited to a fancy ball but the only thing you have to wear is an orange wooly jumper. What shoes do you wear?
    If I only have an orange jumper to wear then I can’t wear any shoes because I don’t have any.

  19. Compose the lyrics to a new national anthem that features an animal sound at least once:

    moo moo moo moo
    moo moo moo moo
    moo moo moo mooo

    To cows this is a truly inspiring anthem, however it’s very hard to translate, you’ll have to ask a cow.

  20. Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
    Radio 4

  21. What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?
    If I’m in a gingerbread house I’ll be too busy eating it to worry about hiding.

  22. When you hesitate before hitting snooze on your alarm clock, are you being lazy?

    No, I am in fact expending extra energy as hitting snooze is an extra activity. Had I got up immediately I would have saved myself this job.

  23. Foxes are clever and tigers are cunning. So, what's your cat's safety school?

    Don’t get this question, does it mean score?

  24. Unlike a dog, how can a turtle ever be naked?
    Why unlike a dog? Why not unlike a fish? Or a monkey? Or just “How can a turtle ever be naked?” I guess the answer is it can’t without its shell.

  25. What's the most amount of sand you've ever had in your swimming trunks?
    40 grams.

  26. What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?

    What reason do you have to believe that it isn’t?

  27. Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.

  28. You've got to make contact with the alien leader. How will you tell when the conversation is finished?
    When that feeling of an awkward silence descends upon the room and everyone is looking around nervously.

  29. What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?
    That a spider was eating me in his sleep.

  30. What's the earliest you've gotten up to watch cartoons and what did you see?
    I can’t remember ever getting up to watch cartoons.

  31. Create a tagline for a new line of plastic bedsheets.
    If you’ve a bed wetter
    Or damp irish setter
    You can’t buy better!

  32. When you've got water stuck in your ear, how do you get it out?
    With more water.

  33. You laughed so hard you can't catch your breath. Stick out your tongue and show us what's funny:

  34. Your pajamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?

    Because the choo choos were keeping me awake at night with their whistling.

  35. You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.

    Torment the goat by showing the slinky and how it can’t use it because it has no opposable thumbs, till it headbutts me out of the well.

  36. If you drive on a parkway why don't they make the whole plane out of that?
    Because no one would be there to hear the tree.

  37. Which do you prefer and why: whittling with soap or whistling with wood?
    Whistling with wood, because it is much more tuneful, except when you get splinters.

  38. You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?
    Set up security cordons to prevent the fame from being able to reach my head.

  39. Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?
    Who needs silverware? Put iron filings in the food and it’ll leap into my mouth. Alternatively: Mamosian Antimatter Chopsticks.

  40. The wicked backspin caught you off guard. How will you play it off without losing your footing?
    Why bother?

  41. The squish of mud between your toes; how would you live your life as a frog?
    Running around trying to avoid being kissed by a princess.

  42. Never mind the turtle. Don't you think you're sure to win?
    It’s not that easy to not mind the turtle!

  43. You've successfully slain the dragon! How will you toast your marshmallows?
    In the time honoured tradition: play him like a set of bagpipes to emit his final burst of flame and hold the marshmallows on a spit in the fire.

  44. What's the best time you've ever had licking stamps?
    3pm 22nd October 1997

Random Observation of the day

I have done absolutely nothing constructive today. Unless you count beating Mark at 9 (or was it 10?) games of solitaire showdown, constructive, we drew one, he didn't win any :-) Oh, I wrapped a present and did a little bit of washing up, but not much.

Monday, May 24, 2004
I survived!! I am in fact alive and well. Excellent. The weekend wasn't too scary. As predicted while I was ushing (I thought the act of being an Usher would be ushering, but Helen insists ushing is better) it was okay because I had things to do so could be all busy and okay because I knew what I was doing. It was the bits where I didn't have anything to do that it was more scary. Like sitting at a table for the three course meal (only one course of which I really liked - the dessert, yum) with the groom's Gran, Aunt and Uncle, an Aunt of the bride, the bride's sister (the only person I knew and didn't know her very well) and a friend of the happy couple's, who was doing the videoing.

The evening disco was... a disco, so I don't need to say much more about that really. I did quite well with not doing any dancing at all until I was standing at the bar talking to the groom's father, who seems very friendly and nice, and he introduced me to his brother in law, I never did catch his name. This guy then decided I simply had to dance, because everyone can dance and he took it upon himself to pull me to the dance floor. Resistance was useless, he was bigger and stronger than me. Short of hitting him or sitting on the floor there wasn't a great deal I could do. So I ended up at the edge of the dance floor. Of course I could have left as soon as he released my hands. However, I don't like to be rude, it's terrible, so I'm standing there attempting to look like I'm at least swaying. I moved my arms a little bit, frantically trying to think of how to get away. Thankfully people started breakdancing, so I stood and watched and joined in clapping in time. Then I extricated myself from the situation, the guy kissed my cheek and allowed me to escape, so I found a chair at the edge to hide in. I was probably on the dance floor for at least 2 minutes though, far too long.

Later on when Bohemian Rhapsody was on I would have engaged in my usual head banging, not on the dance floor, there's no need for that, just in the safety of my chair. However, I was sitting in a chair at the side mouthing to the lyrics and starting to do the head nodding thing as it's warming up, but just as I was about to go into the full head shaking bit, you know the point in the music, someone came over and started to talk to me, so I missed the best song.

Part of the problem with the whole dancing - other than the fact that I don't know how, my style of dancing involves jumping up and down with a lot of other people, i.e. moshing, though not proper mosh pit moshing, that's scary and bones get broken, people are violent, the more sedate moshing where you're not trying to hurt anyone, the kind that happens at Christian gigs - is that people are sitting around watching. You may think they aren't really paying attention to what the dancers are doing, but you're wrong, I should know, I'm one of the watchers. Sometimes I find it fascinating, watching the different ways people dance, I particularly find the serious ones interesting. They're doing such ridiculous dance moves, but you look at their faces and they look so sincere and serious as if they're doing something really important. It's odd.

There was a guy who's dancing I admired, I don't know who he was, but he looked scruffy, which appealed to me, it was while Bohemian rhapsody was playing that I really noticed him, I was talking to someone, as I said, but I was watching him and I admired the way he really threw himself into it. He was air guitaring madly and really getting into the spirit of it, even though most other people weren't dancing, well done whoever that guy was.

Random observation of the day

Not really my observation, but a friend of mine observed a while ago that The Darkness are a bit like The Queen.

Which led to amusing discussions on how The Queen rocks. I was just mentioning this to James and talking about how it would be good if Queen reformed with The Queen taking the place of Freddie, I mean who wouldn't pay to see that? James even adapted some of the songs:

"We *shall* rock you"
"Can anybody find one somebody to love?"

Excellent, maybe someone should try editing Queen songs somehow. Any impersonators of The Queen out there who want to try recording new versions of Queen songs? Of course applications from the real Queen would take priority, maybe I'll ask her next time I see her in the road, except I don't want to blow her cover.

Quick note

Although I went to bed really early yesterday I am still shattered and not quite properly coherant, I already changed several mistakes in this post, I put through instead of threw, stuff like that. However, it's still possible I've missed some and I know I've done the really long run-on sentence thing. So sorry if this makes even less sense than my posts usually do, but hopefully you got the gist.

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