thank you Helen for drawing this

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Welcome to Ali's blog. A blog that has absolutely nothing to do with juggling monkeys. It doesn't really have anything to do with much, just me rambling on about random things.

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Saturday, February 08, 2003
I just watched The Last Starfighter. This is actually the second time I've watched it this year, I taped it off Channel 5 before that I hadn't seen it since I was a kid in the 80s. I watched it today because I had a couple of friends round and they wanted to see it. It's a great film. Yes, it's pretty dated now, the spaceships are still great though, it's like watching a really old computer game. DeathBlossom is a fantastic weapon. There's this spaceship car too, which I hate to say it, since Back To The Future is my fave film, but I think Back To The Future may have copied the idea of the spaceship/car with the Delorean, particularly when the DeLorean has gone through its hover convertion, it looks very similar and this film was a year earlier. Maybe they were paying homage to this film, so that's okay.

I don't think that The Last Starfighter would look very good to anyone that didn't watch it as a child, but it's not as bad as a lot of things from childhood, the plot makes kind of sense. Though the excitement of all his neighbours at him beating the record on a video game is ludicrously overdone, I mean can you really imagine little old ladies running over and getting excited at the fact that someone is approaching an arcade game record?

Okay, so I've blogged about nothing but a film from 1984 today, sorry. I did actually go to Bradgate Park today too, which was nice, but I can't think of anything exciting to say about it. It was quite busy there, probably because it wasn't actually raining and it is Saturday.

Friday, February 07, 2003
Last night I spent hours planning Kids Clubs. It was great though, because I finally have someone else to help me. I asked Mary if she wanted to get more involved and she did, so there'll be two of us planning our wonderful plans for the kids at church. Excellent. It's so good to have someone else to work with, 'cos there's just so much to organise, games, topics, talks, plays, vision statement, expectations for workers, getting forms back off all the workers, it seems never ending. It's a lot more fun planning with someone else too.

Anyway, other than that I haven't done anything very exciting, just been typing a lot of stuff up for the clubs, working, the usual. Helen is out tonight, she had a trip to London, so I just have me to cook for, I can eat whatever I want, can't really be bothered though, I'll probably just eat the half a tin (no Mark, not the tin itself, Mr Pedant, the contents, I don't really eat tin) of hot dog sausages that are left in the fridge from last night when I was out and she could cook whatever she wanted, but also couldn't be bothered. I wonder what's actually in those sausages, they were 19p from Asda, for a tin of 8 sausages, I mean that can't really be edible can it? Right then, I'll stop posting such scintillating comments before everyone gets all over-excited at the thought of hot dogs etc. Bye then.

Wednesday, February 05, 2003
Someone showed me this ages ago and it made me laugh, I just looked and found it and thought I'd share it, you may have seen it before, but I don't care, I'm going to show you it again, 'cos I think it's great and I really hope that it's true that it really was an application for Southampton University and that he got accepted. He should have done, I mean it's a great piece of writing. Everywhere that I have seen it claims that it was a real Uni application and that he got a place, so it does seem to be true.

3A. ESSAY: In order for the admissions staff of our university to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question:

Q: Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to define you as a person?

A: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees, I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and cook thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.

When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.

I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have appeared on Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I run the 100m in 9.65 secs. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.

I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.

On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to this University.

I'm not sure which bit is my favourite, I think maybe the baking 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. The whole thing is just written so well though, amazing.

Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Well, what exciting things have I done since I last blogged? Well, there was obviously that invasion that I singly handedly prevented and that village that I saved from certain death, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about any of that. So that leaves me with the fact that I went on a Customer Care course this morning, it wasn't very exciting, then I went swimming, had lunch and went to My library to do some more ECDL modules. I did spreadsheets, databases and Presentations, meaning that I have now completed ECDL, now my book gets sent off and I get a lovely certificate or something. Bit of a shame really, 'cos having finished it that means that I no longer get paid for 3 hours a week of practising using computers.

My emails won't download, it's very frustrating. Oddly it's not all my ntl accounts that aren't working, the main one is downloading fine, but the others won't download. Annoyingly I don't ever use my main account, that's just the one set up for the connection, everyone actually emails one of the other accounts, which won't download, scum.

Sunday, February 02, 2003
Today I went to church, which was cool, then I went round to someone's house and they fed me shepherd's pie, which was nice, I haven't had shepherd's pie for ages. Then we played a kids' trivia game that was actually quite hard. See, I do do stuff other than just watch TV. I'm trying to prove I do exciting things, I went to a prayer meeting at church this evening too, so I went out of the house 3 times today, see. Admittedly I did also watch TV, but what I watched was great, I watched the Macgyver pilot. Wow!! Helen downloaded it, isn't she great? Previously I hadn't seen MacGyver for years. Well, except for the films and they don't count, 'cos they weren't very good. This was good, which made me happy since I was worrying that maybe I only thought it was good because I was looking back on it with fond childhood memories, like Knightrider, which turns out to be really bad, but no!! MacGyver is in the A-Team league of programmes from my childhood. Good old MacGyver. You know he's the only reason I watched Stargate to begin with. Now Helen must download more episodes. She also downloaded Thumb Wars, which was great. Very odd, but funny.

Last night I spent a stupidly long time with my dictionary looking up ridiculous words to make an online game, so people can play Urgo's word definition game. Well, I'm asuming that the game he began describing was Call My Bluff or the word section of Absolute Balderdash so I made my own version. Urgo's Game Kept me entertained, there's some good words out there.

Okay, I haven't really proved that I do anything interesting have I? In fact I feel that maybe I'm lending Helen's argument more and more weight, I should just admit that I don't lead an exciting life, but hey, what's so great about leading an exciting life? This way I'm less likely to be shot by foreign agents or anything. Bored now, see I can even bore myself, it's amazing really.

Oh hang on, not going yet, I just realised that I may not have used my blog to inform people of something very important. Evidence would suggest that schools have been misinforming us, some of the elements they teach appear to be wrong, the periodic table my school used missed off important elements such as NG (nothing) and MU (music) check out Look Around You a very educational site which will ensue that you learn correct scientific theories. Don't forget to listen to the little mouse song, it was written by a computer you know.

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