wow, 

thank you Helen for drawing this

This page is powered by 

Blogger, the easy way to update your web site.

Welcome to Ali's blog. A blog that has absolutely nothing to do with juggling monkeys. It doesn't really have anything to do with much, just me rambling on about random things.

If you're one of my friends and are looking for ideas of what to buy me for birthday or Christmas, try my wishlist:

Home

My Sites
my novel in progress
My ebay

Blogs
Helen
James
Dead blogs:
Harriet
Rob
Archive

01 December 2002
08 December 2002
22 December 2002
29 December 2002
05 January 2003
12 January 2003
19 January 2003
26 January 2003
02 February 2003
09 February 2003
16 February 2003
23 February 2003
09 March 2003
16 March 2003
23 March 2003
30 March 2003
06 April 2003
13 April 2003
20 April 2003
27 April 2003
04 May 2003
11 May 2003
18 May 2003
25 May 2003
01 June 2003
08 June 2003
22 June 2003
29 June 2003
06 July 2003
13 July 2003
20 July 2003
27 July 2003
03 August 2003
24 August 2003
31 August 2003
07 September 2003
14 September 2003
21 September 2003
28 September 2003
05 October 2003
12 October 2003
19 October 2003
26 October 2003
02 November 2003
09 November 2003
16 November 2003
23 November 2003
30 November 2003
07 December 2003
21 December 2003
04 January 2004
11 January 2004
01 February 2004
15 February 2004
14 March 2004
28 March 2004
11 April 2004
18 April 2004
25 April 2004
02 May 2004
09 May 2004
16 May 2004
23 May 2004
30 May 2004
06 June 2004
13 June 2004
20 June 2004
27 June 2004
04 July 2004
11 July 2004
18 July 2004
25 July 2004
08 August 2004
15 August 2004
12 September 2004
19 September 2004
03 October 2004
10 October 2004
17 October 2004
24 October 2004
31 October 2004
12 December 2004
02 January 2005
16 January 2005
06 February 2005
13 February 2005
20 February 2005
27 February 2005
06 March 2005
20 March 2005
17 April 2005
01 May 2005
12 June 2005
03 July 2005
10 July 2005
24 July 2005
31 July 2005
21 August 2005
25 September 2005
02 October 2005
20 November 2005
04 December 2005
11 December 2005
18 December 2005
12 February 2006
02 April 2006
23 April 2006
21 May 2006
28 May 2006
11 June 2006
18 June 2006
25 June 2006
16 July 2006
30 July 2006
27 August 2006
10 September 2006
01 October 2006
15 October 2006
07 January 2007
11 February 2007
18 February 2007
04 March 2007
11 March 2007
13 May 2007
20 May 2007
03 June 2007
14 October 2007
21 October 2007
18 November 2007
02 December 2007
04 May 2008
11 May 2008
18 May 2008
01 June 2008
18 January 2009
08 March 2009
03 May 2009
11 April 2010
18 April 2010
25 April 2010
30 May 2010
19 February 2012
26 February 2012
11 March 2012
18 March 2012
25 March 2012
08 April 2012
13 May 2012
Monday, April 07, 2003
I have come to a conclusion about Helen and feel that it is imperative that I share my knoweledge with the world. She is in fact The Appliance Assassinator. Or would Appliance Annihilator sound better? Yes, probably. I was thinking earlier about things she's killed, I think she has some sort of electrical field around her which blows stuff up. Maybe you think I'm exaggerating, let's examine the evidence shall we? Whilst the list may not seem terribly long to the uninitiated, bear these important facts in mind:


  1. How many things have you exploded in the last 5 years? (5 years ago was the first year we shared a house, all of the incidences I will mention occurred during periods in which we were living in the same house, in total we have only lived in the same house for less than 3 years, so this is quite a lot of things for 3 years of living).
  2. When she first blew something up and told me I seem to recall her mentioning that it was not the first time and that she thought appliances may not like her: On a number of occassions she has joked about the fact that she kills electrical things, using humour to deflect suspicion, what better way to cover the fact that it's the truth!



  • Microwave - we have no proof as such of this as the microwave was left in the house by the previous tenants, it may have been broken already, we do know that Helen tried to use it and it didn't work.
  • My sandwich toaster, okay to be fair this has been fixed, but it did explode quite spectacularly when she used it and I think she said there were flames (it melted through it's own lead, to be fixed the lead had to be shortened considerably and the plug reattached).
  • My old Tv, okay, Helen didn't break this, but she was in the room when it went up in smoke. Personally I've never seen a television do that, we'd had it for years with no problems, can it really be a coincidence that it exploded during the week that Helen was staying at our house? I can't remember who actually turned it on, I admit that it was probably me, but again I say she would have been very close to it, so it could have been within the range of her destruction.
  • My kettle - she even admits killing this, she tried to boil water and it melted itself. So did she cause my kettle to commit suicide? I was not at home and so it is hard to know.
  • She used to get sparks off plug sockets a lot.
  • And she gets shocks off my car a lot too.
  • The boiler doesn't like her either, it goes out and refuses to relight until I come and do it. That's not even electric, so I don't know why that is.
  • The TV ariel used to work when Rachel lived in the house. It doesn't work now. Okay I admit that I think it was when I moved things around that that happened, but that's only an assumption, it could have been Helen moving in that did it. Okay, I think it's getting a bit tenuous now, I'll stop attributing completely unrelated acts to her.

Maybe she has some sort of electrical field around her, she could be Electricity Woman, a very uncatchy name for a superhero I feel. I have to admit that she wasn't anywhere nearby when my video broke though. But then that didn't do a spectacular smoking thing like the things she touches. That just stopped working. Maybe I should stop being mean now, if I say too much she might use her powers to break my DVD player, or my computer *gasp*. Not that, please. Or even worse she could start thinking of odd things to say about me on her blog, mind you she already accused me of being a pyromaniac. I'm not, I just like to help the fire. It was a controlled fire, it's fine. Oh, except the burning tree that I was walking round with :-) It was a very small tree that was meant to be on the bonfire, I was using it as some sort of olympic torch or giant sparkler, or at least I was trying to, it didn't want to stay lit once it came out of the fire, it stayed alight for a short time, but then just glowed. Still it looked quite nice.

In other news, we went to a computer fair yesterday and no-one had any idiot outside badges :-( Do I mean badges? Those little things that go on the computer case, are they badges? Anyway, them. We saw them once years ago at a computer fair and laughed at them, why didn't we buy them? I've wanted one ever since, I don't know why really, it's not like anyone can even see my computer since it's positioned under the desk, it makes it quite hard to put floppy disks in, but how often do I do that? Floppy disks are so last century.

And onto tangent number three, I found myself watching Enterprise today. I missed the first 20 minutes or so as I was cooking dinner, but I sat and watched it with Helen as I ate and then found myself wanting to see the end, drat. That must make nearly 3 whole episodes I've seen now if you add all the part episodes together, I did watch one full one once, possibly two, he doesn't say oh boy, so where's the fun?

Archives Home